Sick Baby

OK...so no one told me how hard it is to have a sick baby. (By the way, sorry for those of you that have all ready heard the saga.) On Tuesday morning Macy woke up with a cough. She was OK - puffy, red eyes, cough, congestion - until Wednesday night when she woke up at 2:00 and refused to go back to bed. All she wanted was to sleep on my shoulder. So she was up until after 4:00. Thursday morning I called the doctor, and we went in to find out that Macy has bronchiolitis. It's caused by the RSV virus, and from what I understand for adults it's a bad cold, but for babies it's a bad cough and an inflammation of the airways. The doctor heard some wheezing, so she tried a breathing treatment, and Macy was not part of the 30% that is helped by it. So we went home with just the hopes that she would get better on her own. My question was this: How am I supposed to sleep knowing that she has an illness in her lungs, when I always fear that she will stop breathing in her sleep? Granted I don't stay awake staring at her or anything, but it's still in the back of my mind that I hope she's OK. She slept better Thursday night, but then this morning she started coughing a lot. She coughed non-stop for 30 minutes straight, throwing up 4 times in the process. It scared the heck out of me, so I called the doctor again, and again we were told to come in. This time her lungs sounded OK, but now she has an ear infection to add to the complaint list. This poor baby. She looks completely sad and pathetic, and it literally makes me cry to see her like this. What amazes me, though, is that she still looks at me - puffy red eyes and all - and smiles because she knows that I love that more than anything. I am completely exhausted, but I will gladly stay awake for as long as it takes if it will make her feel better. I've become aware once again this week of just how much I love this baby and how hard it is to see her sad. The worst part is that I can't do much for her. I can't wait to have my Macy back once this is all over.

**FYI - This blog is totally therapeutic. I highly recommend it to anyone. :)